In These Small Hours

I had forgotten the pain. I thought that this was good. This was the way it was supposed to be. With time, your grief is supposed to lessen. And then out of no where something comes along and hits me right between the eyes to remind me that there is no healing.

We were watching Disney's movie - The Robinson's. A really funny movie and then Rob Thomas voice starts with his song "These Small Hours"

Suddenly - Wham! I am back at 121 General Hospital in Yongsan, Korea. Holding Rebecca against my chest and feeling her gentle breathing as she slept. Lorri had gone home to pick up a few things and then return so I got a chance to be with Becca. I didn't realize then that this was the beginning of the end of her life here on earth.

In these small hours, I would have to cling on to memories of her that would have to last me a lifetime.

I have tried so hard to let it go but this is a pain and a sorrow that will never pass. As much love and as many blessings as God has given me, there remains a wound that will never heal until I rejoin my daughter in Heaven.

There is so much truth in this simple song. Our lives are made up of small hours, moments of such great meaning that we keep returning to them. For me, these small hours with Becca meant so much. It could not have been more basic - a father holding his sleeping daughter, yet, I would give up almost anything to have that moment again.

And I know I can't. I cannot let go and I cannot return -- I can only remember.

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And I don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I can not forget
The way I feel right now

In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain